Just A Few More Steps
by Mable
Summary: The laments and thoughts of one who has always listened to the words of others, who has always relied on his mentor, and is now trapped with the only one he refused to trust; himself.


**"_Just a few more steps."_**

Optimistic behavior was for one who had something to look forward to. For someone who knew what the future would bring and for someone who was willing to accept anything with a smile and confidence. Instead, he found himself accepting everything with fear and forewarning. He had a right to, though, after what had happened. After the disfiguring accident that had obscured his vision and scarred his face with a leather patch.

Though he could still remember Two's encouragement as he was practically drug to safety all that time ago. Everything was blurry, the noises were loud and indistinguishable, but he still heard those five words muttered in reassurance. He wasn't sure if they were reassurance anymore, though, especially with how they now seemed to play into the scene of his existence so well. Stumbling steps, counting the steps; five was his lucky number.

Through everything he had managed to keep steadily on. Somewhat optimistic, yes, but too afraid to really learn how to move on past his injury; it always hung upon him and drug him down. While he had his lucky number, he only had one optic left, he only had one chance left, and he was not willing to risk that chance again. So why did he actually believe that someone younger than himself could be right?

Maybe One was wrong, maybe Nine was wrong, but Five felt the most wrong for having again put his life into another's hands. Though as he thought back he realized that he wasn't juggling his own life very well either; twice he was given control and twice something went terribly wrong. The first time took his eye, the second took his soul, and now here was his third chance and he wondered what else he could possibly lose.

He just wanted so hard to believe that there was a chance of something else. He wasn't sure of what, though. The Beasts could be stopped only to an extent, there was only risk, but maybe he had simply sunk in too deep to turn back again. He couldn't face a life without his mentor, as he only listened to him, after those simple words had encouraged him to believe that he was going to have something better. All it took was a little more effort.

It always seemed, though, that the horrible chances going awry always came after the storm. They got through the war, then he lost his optic. They destroyed the factory, then he lost his soul. Something once whispered in his mind that perhaps destroying the factory would be like opening a cage, but he never listened to himself anymore. Maybe that was what really put him into this situation.

It hurt, everything, everything hurt. The heaviness was either from soaking up the freshly fallen rain or from the exhaustion biting at his vision. This was the first time since he lost his optic that he actually felt pain that resonated from the hole now broken in the leather patch. The entire thing would have to be removed and redone, so much work, and he could only fear that he wouldn't be able to do it without Two. What if Two didn't come back like he did? What if he was alone?

It didn't look very promising. This would mean his body was completely left behind, unless they forgot, there was tendency to forget him. Though he also felt this as he had forgotten the single rule that he had learn from his existence; don't do anything you don't think through first. He hadn't thought through anything at all, recklessly going after Two, challenging One, following Nine, and eventually walking too far ahead.

A few steps back and maybe he would've been able to escape, ironic considering the words that echoed through his mind, that Two had said to him so long ago. Or maybe not. Maybe he had gone too far in, as expected before. Maybe it was this, maybe that, maybe just because the world didn't like Five as much as the others. He sometimes suspected this.

One knew how to lead their group, Two knew how to create, the twins knew how to learn, Six knew how to draw, Seven knew how to fight, Eight knew how to guard, and Nine knew how to change. Five, though, didn't know anything they didn't. Two stitched better, Nine spoke better, everyone saw better, and maybe this was why Five was made to constantly make a mistake that would throw him near death.

For a second he wondered if the others were even sad when they thought he died or whether they just moved on. Already laughing and playing after the loss of both Two and Eight. Though it was all Five could do to keep his mind off the fact that this had been the biggest mistake he had ever made. Not just trusting Nine, but trusting anyone. He trusted Seven to keep them safe, and she abandoned them after a petty fight with One. He trusted Six's visions, not taking into account that perhaps Six didn't even understand them.

He trusted Two, he trusted Two's words, not bringing into account how he would live once his mentor was gone. There was still a chance, but Five wasn't willing to trust anything anymore. There was no point. Whatever he trusted always tended to let him down. The only thing he had never wanted to trust was himself and, limping through the Emptiness, he realized that in the end this was all that he had left.

Whether or not knowing if the others were alive or not, Five suddenly decided that maybe he needed to start trying to rely on himself. He only let himself down once, because he had only trusted himself once. Five was going to trust himself, listen to himself, and now he was going to encourage himself the only way he knew how, forcing out the words through exhaustion.

"Just a few more steps."


End file.
